by Glen Williams
November 15, 2000
Reactionary writing is always the worst type, but what the hell. The media obsession with Florida has put me over the edge. And may I remind you it is a state devoid of hostas.
1. One needs a life if you know more hosta names than peoples' names.
2. One needs a life if you actually don't worry about the water bill for your garden.
3. One needs a life is you are actually caught mumbling encouragement to plants under your care.
4. One needs a life if actually know what tissue culture and nematodes are.
5. One needs a life if you attempt to share the joy of hosta gardening with the UPS man.
6. One needs a life if, under the guise of generosity you have given away more than 50 hostas in any given two year period.
7. One needs a life if you allow the subscription to The Smithsonian and TV Guide to lapse in order to pay membership dues to the AHS.
8.One needs a life if a healthy avocation has turned into an obsessive vocation.
9. You need a life if spring is seen around every corner and winter with the fall of every leaf.
10. You need a life if all of your friends and family have endless anecdotes about hostas and gardening, and your only complaint is that you are not always given equal time.
11. You need a life when you find yourself petitoning the town council to demand the public works department put a sign on your street saying "BEWARE .... HOSTAS GROWN NEARBY."
12. You need a life when you find yourself mumbling a grateful prayer of gratitude that hostas can't run for public office.
*And you know, that after having heard "Get a life" from a dozen acquaintances, that INDEED DO HAVE A LIFE... a life which may well be filled with family, friends, cycles under the sun, earth under your finger nails, the smell of both bloom and compost, aches and pains resulting from concern and pride, a reason for rain, and an unending interest in a small corner of the world around you.
**Still out of bounds are naming kids after hostas (but not the opposite of course), bartering hostas with the IRS, and hosta neckties. Be of good cheer though "...for the times they're achangin'..."
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